i love accidental penises.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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