question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
