He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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