nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i out mim tonsoeep
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
