so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
4 words: hood of his car
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
