once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your penis caused this!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
