At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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