It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
