batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
