That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
