I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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