i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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