my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
