on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
