Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what day is it and did you see me today?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
