dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
whose parrot is this?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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