dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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