Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
