rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
