for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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