if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
