babies were throwing up all over the place
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
