I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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