My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
