So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
