I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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