Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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