I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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