I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
