the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
