I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
