I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize