If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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