I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
