u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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