Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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