Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
