You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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