remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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