Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this boner is exhausting
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
