Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
