That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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