This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
