so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
