There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
