Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
