pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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