I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
