just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
