I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
