when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
