Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
