I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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