I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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