I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
