1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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