Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
