toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
