im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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