okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
