is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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