If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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