Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
