1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
