he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
