mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
