its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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