why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
