i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize