I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
