The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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