upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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