I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
