I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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