My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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