He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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