my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize