C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
