Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize