At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
