I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
