3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
