Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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