Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
