i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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