Got a toothbrush?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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