HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
