Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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