haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
