the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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