What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
