This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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