wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
