I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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