I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
