So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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