my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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