First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
