don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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