Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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