its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
