Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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