Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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