is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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