Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
